Why am I Stressed?

Stress is an intrusion on your peaceful existence.  All of us strive to have orderly and peaceful lives.  We tend to develop well when we get into certain routines.  Human beings are all animals.  If you have ever owned a dog, you may have observed that the dog thrived very well on routine.  You had to walk the animal a certain time each day, it had to be fed at a certain time each day and it slept at a certain time each day.  The dog depended on a routine.

When the routine was broken, the dog would do things such as have accidents in the house, or behave in another destructive type manner.  This is because the dog was actually stressed out.  Why was the dog stressed out? Because his or her routine had been broken.

Human beings behave the same way.  Parents often find that their children will behave much better when they have a set routine than if everything is pandemonium in the household.  Routines give a child a feeling of security, which is the one thing that a child wants most of all.

Many people will complain that their kids are unruly and do not want to go to bed on time.  Their bedtime “routine” involves telling their kids to go to bed.  It then escalates into screaming at their kids to go to bed to threatening their kids with punishment if they do not go to bed. 

The entire “go to bed” issue can be avoided if the parents simply set a bedtime routine.  Milk and cookies.  A bedtime story and being tucked in. Every night.  The children know what to expect and actually end up looking forward to bedtime.  This gives children an added sense of security, something that they really need in their lives. 

We all want to feel safe and secure, but as we get older, we realize that we cannot always count on things being the same.  We experience different incidents in our lives that turn our world upside down and cause us to feel stress.  Most of these incidents we cannot control, others we can control to a certain degree.  Some of us are fortunate enough not to experience these stressors until adulthood.  Others experience stress as young children. 

Stress can be pinned to an outside factor or something that we create in our own heads.  If we are creating self induced stress, chances are that something from the outside triggered this condition and the resulting response. 

Some of the more notorious causes of stress are the following:

Death of a loved one

This can be a spouse, parent, child or friend.  Death is part of life, but the death of a loved one is something that causes significant stress.  Our hearts are broken as we grieve for our loved one and our lives are seriously disrupted.  This is something which we can do little about, unfortunately, and also something we all have to deal with, sooner or later.  Many people recover from this stressor and continue with their lives.  Others never fully recover.  Death of a loved one can cause a number of serious illnesses that we take on ourselves, including depression.

The death of a child is probably the worst pain anyone can endure and many people never fully recover from this type of stress, however, they do manage to go on with their lives for the sake of others around them.  Despite the fact that the death of a child is enough to put anyone over the edge, most people have more of a life force and feel compelled to go on.  However, this is one stress factor that can be completely devastating to someone emotionally and is one from which one never fully recovers. 

Divorce

Even if we are glad to get rid of our ex-spouse, divorce is a major stressor in our lives.  In addition to causing us to feel stress, it can also stress out our children.   Many couples are so wrapped up with their own emotions during a divorce that they fail to notice the impact of the situation on their children.  Chances are that the kids are feeling quite a bit of turmoil, even if they are too young to understand what is really going on.  In fact, younger children can experience even more stress than older children in the case of their parent’s divorce because they cannot put their emotions into words, nor can they understand that daddy or mommy going away has nothing to do with them.  To a young child, everything in the world has something to do with them. 

A child who experiences the trauma of his or her parents’ divorce will feel stress.  In some cases, the stress may manifest itself to a number of psychological disorders, including anxiety.  The routine has been broken and the child no longer feels safe, so he or she will come up with a way to alleviate the stress and retain some sort of control over their lives by developing a disorder such as anorexia.  Children should see a counselor when the parents’ divorce, whether or not they appear “fine.”  Some children will be able to deflect the stress better than others, but it is always a good idea to make sure that the child truly is “fine.” 

Moving

Even if you are moving from a shack to a palace, this is still stressful.  It may be a happy occasion, but it is still a disruption of your routine.  And any disruption of your routine causes stress. Moving disrupts the entire family.  And it is a real pain in the neck. Plus you have to deal with the packing.

Everyone hates moving.  Packing up all of your belongings and then unpacking them is just a hassle.  Very few of us are fortunate enough to be able to have someone do all of this labor for us so it tends to be stressful.  However, even if we do not have to lift a finger, moving is still a disruption of our normal routine. 

It will take a while before you can get established into your new home.  Until you do, you should try to maintain as much of your normal routine as possible, especially if you have children. 

Major Illness

Any type of major illness is a significant stressor for the entire family.  One person being ill does not just affect that person, but everyone around him or her.  A major illness is one of the worst stressors we can endure as it can go on for years, taking its emotional toll on everyone around, especially children. 

Many people who experience a major illness enter into a depression.  This is usually due to the dramatic change in their life.  Others will most likely also enter into a state of depression or exhibit unusual behavior.  A young person who has a very ill parent may start turning to drugs, alcohol or other behavior to alleviate the stress he or she feels due to the parent’s illness.  They will be unable to deal with the stress and chances are that the rest of the family will be emotionally unavailable for help.  Self medicating with drugs, alcohol or even promiscuous sex is a way for some young people to cope with the illness of a parent.

Job Loss

In addition to being humiliating, the loss of a job will most likely through you into financial turmoil.  Losing a job often results in depression as well as anxiety.   Not only did your self esteem take a hit, but you are also worried about money.  You will probably experience stress until you get a new job or reconcile yourself to the fact that you will have to get by on less money.

Until you get your bearings, you will face a disruption in your lifestyle as well as your financial status.  The uncertainty the surrounds getting another job also affects us when it comes to stress.  Losing a job and having to find another job is very stressful. 

Even if we quit a job for a better job, this is still considered a stress factor.  Starting a new job, while a good thing, is stressful for most individuals.  Why? Because it breaks our routine.  And anything that breaks our routine causes stress.

These are just a few of the major stress factors that we, as a society, face.  There are other things that can lead to stress, but these are among the worst. 

In some cases, happy events such as the birth of a child, marriage, or even a new job can lead to stress.  Even though these are joyous occasions, they are stressful.  Why?  Because they disrupt our lifestyle.

Are you sensing any sort of pattern here with regard to stress?  Each of the aforementioned stressors all has one thing in common - they disrupt our lives.  We don’t like to have our lives disrupted and when it happens, even if it a good disruption, it causes stress.

We cannot go through life like robots and expect for nothing to ever change.  We are going to experience stressful situations throughout our lives.  How we handle the stressful situations will determine how well we can manage stress.   There are both good ways and bad ways to manage stress.